ACT XI
Well here, we are about a month from my previous post. First, I must retract my prior statement: So to all of the women out there that may read this I am sorry for all I have said
Allow me to explain why I have to retract that statement. First, the woman that I was seeing has demonstrated to me that I did not jump to conclusions about her or any other woman. THEY ARE ALL LIARS! She had been staying here with me for about the last month or so. About two weeks ago she left me a note saying that she would be home later she had some things to do. Well as you may have guessed she did not come home. When we did get a chance to talk about it I made myself very clear that it was very rude and inconsiderate not to at least call and tell the person that you claim to care about that you will not be home after all. Of course I had to listen to all of her excuses about there was no phone were she was and there was no cell phone service either. One time before that she even used the excuse that she was at the hospital all night. She has never even offered to show me the discharge papers from the hospital. She has all of her lies set so that I feel like a total idiot for even asking her about where she has been. I do not think that I am being possessive or overbearing. In my world people that claim to care about another person then they will do every thing in their power to communicate with that person about things that will effect them or their feelings. This is not the case with her she will continue to do what ever she wants to do with out any regards for my feelings or my concerns. The problem is that we are suppose to move into a house together. So now tonight I am faced with the same dilemma as before she left a note saying she was going to go talk to some people about furniture for the house and right now it is about 4:50 am and she has not called or came home. I told her before I left for work that I would be home around 10 pm but that does not matter I do have a cell phone and it is always on. There is no excuse for her to treat me like I am dog. So I have the choice either to continue to put up with not knowing were she is or if she is all right or what. The short of it is do I continue to put up with her lies or do I end it right now?
Well I have treated her like a person with feeling. I have given her every thing that I was able to give her. Like Respect, Love, Loyalty, and Understanding evidently that is not what she wants so I must let her go to find what she wants. Yes, this is going to hurt pretty bad but in the long run at least I will be able to sleep at nights and not have to worry about a person that I care about if they are ok or not.
Well it is still Another Beautiful Day in Paradise!!
Good night Gracie and Good bye Nova
Act X
Well here, we are again. I wish I had all of the answers to some of the questions going on in my mind right now. Like am I too quick to jump to conclusions when some thing happens. There are times that I think so and there are times that I do not think so. Just too bring every thing up to date I stated seeing the “I do not date men” we have been together since Christmas. I said before that I think I caught her in a lie and said that I would confront her about it when I saw her. Well the next time I saw her I did talk to her about what I was seeing and she did all she could do to convince me that I was wrong but yet I still had doubts. I think that I did jump to conclusions then and did so again today. I wish that I could just say that it was because of my past that all of this is taking place now. It may very well be. All that I do know is that I have probably screwed the rest of my life up with my own stupidity. So to all of the women out there that may read this I am sorry for all I have said. I have let all of my reasonable thinking ability go right out the window. My life should just end because all I have done is brought hurt and pain to a person that I truly cared for.
Act IX
Well as that song goes "Here I go down that road again" What I was hoping was my "Princess Charming" seams to have turned into "Queen Liar" YES IT BOTHERS ME!! I had thought that maybe I had found the one woman in America that did not lie. LOL LOL I do not think that there is one! Yes I am still harsh when it comes too women. My spectulation is that it will not change until I do or should I say IF I do find a woman that tells the truth. Truth that word that people through around almost are often as "I love you." Maybe I should not even start about them three little words. "I" which is a word for self, "love" which is a word for choice, "You" which is a word for self. So that means "I love you" means you choose your self. Now to me that seams to be real selfish. Could I choose to love my self? I do not think we can I think we have no choice. So we "love" our self but we are told that we can "love" some body else, but what if I choose not too "love" any body else. That would make me a bad person in some peoples eyes. There is a difference between "love" and empathy. They booth are a choice that we can make. One is seen as putting one person above another person (which is being prejudice). One person that you make a greater choice for then another person (which could be called selfish).
Ok no more right now have too get to bed so...............
remember "It is another beautiful day in paradise"
Goodnight Gracie
Act VIII
Well sorry I have not posted here for awhile got caught up in my own little world and forgot about this.
So were are we today the second day of 2006? Well a little has changed but not much. I had to go back and read what I had written before not so I can keep my "lies" straight but so I can know how I have changed over the last few months. I start class on the 9th and I think it will be a good one this time. Last semester I had a religious studies class. MAN what a bad class!! Can any body tell me what the "Deadheads" have to do with religion? I sent a e-mail to that professor after finals and spoke what I thought of his class how the things he was talking and teaching about was more of culture then religion. I told him my definition of religion was different then his mine was the worship of a deity his was ....? Still not sure. Yes that class left a bad "taste" in my mouth for any religion.
As far as my "Princess Charming" is going it may be attainable after all. About three or four months ago a young lady came into my store with her dad. We had spoke before I had let her borrow my umbrella when it was raining and she was walking. Well this time she came in I asked her if she would like to go out for supper with me some time. She said "NO I do not date men anymore." This shocked me and it seamed that she was being rude so I just blew it off and said fine be that way. Now fast forward to Christmas Eve 2005 I do not have to work but I need to eat so I went to my local Pizza Hut to eat. From there I can see my work place I see a woman standing outside so I call down to the store to talk to the girl that is working and ask her about who she is. I was told that she had asked about were I was so I told her to tell that woman that I was at Pizza Hut and she could join me if she wanted too. Well the shock of all shocks of my life happened she actually came up there and joined me for supper LOL It turned out to be the girl that had told me before that she did not date men any more LOL So here is this woman that tells me she does not date men but yet she is setting at my table eating my pizza LOL It proves that woman are liars no matter what they say. Did the night end there? Well all I will say is that I had a very long and happy Christmas day.
Now more about this "don't date men" woman. She is 31 years old has four children from ages of 3 up to 14 years old two of them are twins. She is about 5 foot 4 inches tall and weighs about 120 pounds blonde hair and lite blue eyes. As is prevalent in WV she needs work on her teeth but they are not too bad. To think about her now I may be just a little bias with her because of all that has occurred between us. Is she close to perfect? No she is a woman and she lies. That may sound judgmental but I do not think so. In a little over a week since starting to know her I think I have already caught her in a lie. No I have not confronted her with the facts that I have been able to ascertain as of yet but the next time I see her I will you can bet your bottom dollar I will. See the way things are in my world truth is FAR more important then just about any thing else. I do not care what your hair color is, your heritage is, your race is, but DO YOU TELL THE TRUTH IN ALL THINGS!! That is what is most important to ME!!
I found the following article I think on Wired awhile back so please it is not my words but some one else's but here it is it speaks volumes about what I thing about lying any why I have such strong feeling against it.
Q: What is lying and why is it stressful?
A: Lying is saying or withholding information in order to manipulate someone's opinion of you. It captures your attention by bringing your focus to the story you're telling, the image you're preserving, and the secret that you're hiding. You're no longer able to focus your attention wherever you want to focus it; you're only able to focus your attention on the lies you're telling and the secret you're keeping. This captured attention creates stress. In Radical Honesty, I attempt to demonstrate that this secrecy, withholding and lying is the primary source of modern human stress, the primary cause of most anxiety and of most depression.
Q: Does everyone lie?
A: Yes. We are always telling some kind of story, building a case for ourselves and trying to put on a best face. We're trying to prove we're good little boys and girls and that we're knowledgeable. Four years ago in a nationwide survey titled "The Day America Told the Truth," 93% of Americans admitted that they lie "regularly and habitually" at work and 35% admitted they have had or were currently having an affair which they were keeping secret from their mates.
Q: Is it possible to be completely honest without hurting a person's feelings?
A: Probably not. If you are in an ongoing relationship with any person there will probably be times when you hurt their feelings. Probably the most often used rationalization for lying is "I didn't want to hurt anybodies feelings." I recommend you hurt people's feelings and stay with them past the hurt. I also recommend that you offend people. We can all get over having our feelings hurt and we can get over being offended. These are not permanent conditions; they are feelings that come and go. On the other side of that reaction is a conversation in which your mutual honesty creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone's feelings.
Q: What if I get mad at someone's reaction to my truth telling?
A: Tell them you are mad. Say "I resent you for..." and be specific about what visible, audible part of their reaction you resent. People can actually get furious at other people and get over it in 15 or 20 minutes. People can avoid being angry at someone else for 10 or 15 or 20 years, and if they actually got angry at them, they'd probably get over it in half an hour.
Q: Do you feel we have to be honest with ourselves before we can have a relationship with someone else?
A: You can't be "secretly" honest. Being "honest with yourself" is simply not separable from being honest with another. A person who says, "I was honest with myself, but decided not to tell..." is just another miserable liar and will have to suffer the consequences. Sharing honestly, with others present, is the way we can have an authentic relationship with another person.
Q: You require your therapy patients to go and tell the truth about things in their past to parents, siblings or spouses. Why?
A: What I've discovered in 25 years of working with people as a psychotherapist in Washington, DC, is that the primary source of their misery is lying. When I coached them to clean up their act and tell the truth they had a hard time going through it, but right on the other side of that hard time they were no longer depressed, they were no longer anxious-they were happier. They had their relationship worked out or a new job with a promotion. They had a brand new relationship with their spouse or a better relationship with their family. What actually occurs is that when you open up and share by telling the truth it frees you up from the jail of your own mind, which is the source of all human stress anyway. It's also just simply more efficient not to work so hard at all those poses.
Q: In the case of someone who was abused as a child, they are supposed to go back to their parents-and their parents are 70 years old- and tell them they resent the abuse?
A: You're damn right. I often have people bring parents in such cases into my office and tell them in front of me. We have two-hour sessions with the parent and the child. The child begins first by asking the parent to keep quiet and listen. Then the child tells them everything that they specifically remember that they resent and everything that they appreciate. If there's something that they did, like they stole the car at two a.m. when they were 16 and took it out and got a dent in the front fender and brought it back and covered it over and got by with it, I have them tell the truth about it and other things they got by with too. And then I coach the parents to tell the truth to their child about what they resent and what they appreciate. And it works out quite well. It works out for a renewed relationship between the parent and child. As long as there are hidden issues and agendas and feelings, you can never be yourselves with each other..
Q: Why do people have such a hard time being honest about sex?
A: For people to be honest about their sexuality is one of the big hurdles for everyone to get over because sexuality is such a taboo subject. I tell people when I'm attracted to them and they tell me when they are attracted to me to make sure that nothing is going on disacknowledged, that is, an avoidance of reporting feelings which is what we're trying to cure.
Q: Suppose you met someone whom you found unattractive. How do you handle that?
A: If the person's outstandingly ugly, then that's an issue I'm certainly going to bring up to talk about right off. I would say, "I think you look kind of ugly and this is what I think is ugly. I think that big wart on the left side of your face is probably something that puts people off and that you don't have much of a love life, is that true?" Then we'll have a conversation about it. That ugly person has probably always felt the negative unexpressed reaction from people. The idea is that they end up not avoiding the damn thing instead of living a life that's dancing on egg shells. They live life out loud and it's a whole lot better life.
Q: What if you want to be honest and you don't even know the truth yourself?
A: What's true, then, is that you don't know. So you say that. Sometimes it might be more honest to say "I don't know" where it's a real opening where you don't know, and you're willing to be with not knowing; that's where creativity comes from. But more often than not, when people say "I just don't know," it's a protest, it's a whine, it's a not wanting to take responsibility. An authentic "I don't know" is a great place to be.
Q: Is there one central point that you would like people to know about Radical Honesty?
A: I think the focus of what I have to say is not so much some moral taboo against lying as it is that I am in favor of people having fun in their lives, and having joyful, playful lives, serving each other. I'm not morally condoning telling the truth or saying that it's immoral to lie. I'm just talking about a pragmatic thing. If you go out and tell each other the truth you'll be happier. You're better nurtured in a world in which you're telling the truth than you are in a world in which you're cowering, hiding and lying.
Well after a little research I found the correct web site for the book here
Good book I should read it for myself Because it deals with my every day life
Bye now remember "It is just another beautiful day in paradise"
Act VII
Well life goes on I have finals next week so I will not be able to write until after then. Just a short update. No nothing has changed women are still liars they can never tell the truth. You may say you do not lie but I would almost bet that you do(if you are a woman). Maybe I should not be so harsh with women but guess what THE TRUTH HURTS!!!! If you can not face that then TOO BAD. I told my friend the other day maybe I should become a queer then maybe things in that life style CHOICE would be different. Sorry you bunch of wimps it is a choice just like any other choice you make. Sorry I am not willing to compromise my beliefs that way. I know people justify it in many way in an attempt to ease their minds. Man totally off subject there.
Women will never know me because they will not accept the facts that I am a moral person. I do not drink/use drugs/use profanity. Even with all I have been through I still treat women with courtesy and kindness. I still have my own self respect and I will not allow some b*$#@ to take that away from me. Every women that I have met either is a drunk/a dope head/a whore/or has a filthy mouth. I want to ask were is my Princess Charming at? LOL I do not thing she exits except in my own mind.
It is Just Another Beautiful Day In Paradise
Bye now
Aci VI
The events of last night were quite dramatic for me. When Aggie left I was feeling like some one had cut my soul open and all of my life was falling apart. The problem was that I was feeling sorry for myself and not looking at what the real issues were. I was going to lose my convictions to live a moral life (again). As is the case most of the times GOD intervened (again). Here I was willing to forgo my morals for a few minutes or hours of sexual pleasure. What a waste of my life. I HAVE been down that road before and I know what I got out of it. Not much!! Yes I am still fighting the temptation but it also will pass. It is far nobler to a moral healthy life then to compromise ones beliefs. The spiral stair case down tends to get steeper and our dissention faster the farther we go.
I can only thank God and my best friend Sherry in opening my eyes to the truth. I speak of telling the truth often, but as is some times the case I also not do the right thing. There is a difference in telling the truth and doing the right thing. I will always speak the truth but I can also do the wrong thing. I am thankful that my Father is forgiving in all things. Psalm 103 speaks that My Father remembers that I am but dust and as a father forgives his children so will My Father forgive me.
There is a song that The Cathedrals sing it is called Sin Will Take You Farther -then you wanted to go and keep you longer then you wanted to stay. The truth of that song gets clearer and clearer as my life goes along. Yes I am a slow learner but I will learn as time goes on. At this point I am thankful mostly to God for his help through all of this mess. I had given up on my self and did not care what I done or what happened to me. Be fore warned that if you find your self on this slippery slope stop and hit your knees as fast as you can. The price you will pay will far exceed the gain that you will get from what ever sin you are toying with. Moses’ said I would rather suffer with my brethren then to enjoy sin for a season. Ecclesiastes states that there is a time and a season for every thing. There is a time to be sad and a time to be happy there is a time to cry and there is a time to laugh there is a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is grown a time to love and a time to hate (didn’t think hate was in the bible did you) A time to morn and a time to rejoice.
Look up little children your redemption draweth nigh. Oh ye of little faith if you had the faith the size of mustard seed you can say to this mountain be ye removed from here and it would be removed. Now I wonder why it is that televangelist will state it is because of your faith you are not healed or you’re prays not answered yet they claim to have more faith then most people but yet they can not move mountains. So do all of us have such little faith and it is so small that it could not move a mountain? I know I have never seen a person make the claim that they could move a mountain. LOL
Act V
Well another day has come. Well a girl came over tonight with her 16 month old daughter. Sorry folks nothing happened. We talked and she laid her daughter down to sleep. Then I went to get her some Tylenol and when I came back she said that she was going to go home. End of story.
I asked her if it was because of my age and she said no, but some how I do not think that is the truth. She said she would call me in about ten minutes, again I do not think she will.
She has used drug and alcohol to hide behind, now she is scared of who she is.
That is what happens when a person hides from reality, one day they wake up and do not like who they have become and it scares the crap out of them. I really do not think that I will ever see her again other then in my store.
It is still Another Beautiful Day in Paradise
